When people have had a weight challenge for a long time, they tend to be really mean to themselves.

I was speaking with a client, “Lisa” earlier today, and talked with about how she was doing on the program.

She has just been on it for a few days, but has already lost 5 lbs. When I encouraged her about this fast success, she immediately launched into a long explanation of how she was a failure, and a loser, and would probably not be able to stick to the plan, and that I should be ready for her to fail.

As we talked about this more, I realized that Lisa had struggled with her weight since she was young; and had been mean to herself ever since then. Her self criticism started at about the age of 14, and hadn’t stopped since then. She believed that her challenges with her weight were a sign of her being a loser, and a failure- rather than a simple mathematical formula of more calories in than calories going out.

When I asked her what she would say to a friend who was feeling like a failure and a loser, she immediately came up with several compassionate, loving, and very caring responses. When I asked her why she could be so nice to other people, but so mean to herself, she didn’t have an answer.

We worked on a few other things in our call, and Lisa’s “homework” for the week was to begin to replace her self critical and negative talk with something more compassionate and positive. She didn’t have to tell herself anything she didn’t believe, but she did need to stop being so mean to herself and to find another way to speak to herself.

If you struggle with mean and unkind thoughts about yourself, and many negative judgments because of your weight, you are not alone. Being overweight is tied to feeling depressed and anxious, and this can lead to negative self talk.

To change this situation, do two things- start a weight management program, and replace your negative self talk with someone more neutral (and, then, eventually, positive.) Stop being mean to yourself.